Life as an International Military Spouse

Rita Korhonen is a Finnish member of the military spouses' community in the Washington, DC area.

We meet Rita Korhonen in McLean, Virginia, where she lives with her husband Harri, who is the Deputy Defense Attaché at the Embassy of Finland. At the time of writing, Harri's assignment is nearing its end.

Prior to arriving in the DC area, the couple already had a conception of life in the United States from their previous assignment in California. However, that stint was with four children, whereas this is in the company of two cats.

The Korhonen’s predecessors had generously created opportunities that made it easier for Rita and Harri to take up the mantle. An abundance information was passed on, and invitations  soon started pouring into Rita's email.

During our visit to the Korhonens’ house in McLean, a tranquil upscale suburb on the western bank of the Potomac River, Rita refuses to use the word “duty” to describe her role and instead stresses the “joy of representation.”

“We’ve been lucky. We have wonderful neighbors. It feels like a family.”

In fact, the Korhonens have multiple families in the form of neighbors, the defense community, office colleagues, international spouses and close friends. In spite of this expanded DC family, Rita and Harri manage to find ample time for themselves.

Rita's life in McLean is not structured around work as it was in Finland, where her career had to do with children and families, or “the joys and challenges of life.” Here, she can immerse herself in hobbies such as arts and crafts.

“It’s lovely to start the morning by reading a book. Coffee, cat and a book... There's no better start to a day.”

When not consumed by books, Rita sees herself as a Finn with a mission: promoting the Finnish country image. Thanks to Harri’s job as a defense attaché, Rita is able to pursue that mission in the international military spouses’ club, which covers all branches of the military.

The club offers myriad activities with the Scandinavian spouses, small branch-specific groups, and the US Army and Air Force community. All the different branches convene monthly – typically at a spouse’s home – where the table is rich with food from various nationalities.

The club is now back to having meetings after a hiatus during the pandemic. At best, Rita has hosted over 40 women at her house. “The next day, the conversation and laughter and joy are still there," she says with a warm smile.

It is customary for the hosts to give introduction sessions on their respective countries. “We’ve talked about wife carrying championships... Nice and small things like that. Everyone knows that Finland is the happiest country in the world.”

Rita thinks back to her life in California, where people didn't know Finland in the same way. Here, on their first morning, a neighbor showed up at the door with a Winter War book.

During our conversation, Rita frequently brings up her “basic needs,” which include joining and belonging to something, and which help to form closer friendships. A good example of that is Mini Hearts, a children’s book project by Beth Howell.

The book was conceived in a hiking group that disbanded but stayed in touch on WhatsApp. The twenty women in the group knew each other well and had many things in common despite hailing from different backgrounds.

The message for children is that friendships can form between different people. “In these times it’s important to realize the significance of accepting difference. We should not look for differences but for things that connect us.”

Mini Hearts was written during a difficult period of the pandemic when some of the spouses were back in their home countries, so the project moved forward via emails and instant messages. It provided an escape for many of the women involved.

When asked what surprised her in the spouses’ backgrounds, Rita insists that there was nothing. “I think about different cultures in an admiring way: hey, darn it’s great there are all these things!”

As for that favorite Finnish obsession – what others think about us – she assures us that Finns are seen as active participants, brave and unprejudiced. We are also a well-functioning society that has a lot to share with the world, such as design products or our relationship with nature.

“We tend to be like, let’s not make a fuss about it. But let’s not degrade ourselves at least! There are so many wonderful things.”

Thanks to the spouses’ work, Rita says that there has been an increase in awareness about Finland. It all comes down to the “joy of representation;” that one finds it delightful to fulfill their role and work on things that they find important.

These could include everything from knitting socks to baking, or proclaiming one’s pride of Finland's young prime minister, a woman. “Who people ask about a lot,” she adds.

The most important thing to pass down to a successor? This role offers freedom, and it’s wonderful to be able to participate and perform the work as one sees fit.

"When it comes to improving Finland’s country image, your soul has to be in it."